First pedicure ever..

Today I had my first ever pedicure. Had a callus treatment and I also found out that I had fungus under my big toe nail.
I had been feeling quite down about myself so this year I made up my mind to put myself first.
This is the first step.
I didn't realize that a simple thing like a pedi could boost my self image towards myself.
I will make sure I continue to do things for my own happiness.

Back ....

So once again I failed. Therefore I decided I will blog as and when I want I am not going to apologise or feel bad for my blogging.

Poison

Constant words of hate are poison to the very core of my being. It changes the way I wake up in the mornings. It makes me feel annoyed and permanently irritable. I wish I could totally ignore but all I manage is to remain silent with a small smile on my face stuck through the up and downs.
Kind of feels like I am stuck in a vacuum , between sorrow and unhappiness. Bordering on mild depression I am fighting my way to stay on the sane side of the bridge.
The poison steeps in mixing my rainbow of joy into its malicious blackness. Plastic bag over the head feeling , where i can't breathe and I still do.
Oh when will it stop?
How much more can I take.
Indirect words of meanness about me even when I am trying my best is not fair. Isn't trying and being at my best behavior enough as a sign of change for the better.
I am weary of this.
Want my rainbow back.
I was never this dark. I lost all the shine I had. I wish for all this darkness to go away and just let me be.

Poof

And so I disappeared again. These things always happen to me. Too bad. I have become accustomed to it.
There is a thin line of truth and reality between the niceness of blogging issues.
I could throw up everything point blank and not bother about it. Or I can just blog about the other mundane things that I think are important but arent.
So I disappear lest I blog something I dont wish to read ever again.
So I am back now.
On with the show I say!!

Retro Polka Dotty Nails

My nail art journey has just begun. I am learning each day and perfecting my skills. I did this simple nails using a dotting tool. Makes me happy to see my nails pretty and colorful!

Beauty Haul

I got these beauty items at a bit of a steal. The foot balm was at 50% off, smells nice and works wonders on my horrid feet.
The face scrub is not too scratchy and I use it twice a week and my skin feels very squeaky clean.
The 2 hair moisturizers were priced at 9.90 each and I got them for 1.85. Haven't tried but smells sweet.
Two china glaze polishes of my favourite colors. Love love love

Babies.

And it struck me out of the blue,

MY KIDS ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST!!!!

The little one is not-so-little anymore.
No matter how I try and pretend that she is my baby, I have to wake up to the fact that shes growing up AND FAST. Her shoes are a huge indicator that she's not so tiny as it seems. Her feet are growing at an alarming rate. I got to buy new shoes for her every 3 months or less. There is no buying shoes 2 sizes big for that little french fry. She will fall flat on her face trying to walk with ginormous shoes. I try to smother her when I sleep but shes like a long bean. Her baby fat has 'POOF' vanished and in place is a lean mean running long bean. I try to cradle her to nap but my arms start to nap in less than 2 minutes cos she no longer is the little tater tot of 3 kgs. She says the most amazing things and her sense of reasoning (at times) confounds me.
MY BOY READS. I have dreamt of him reading for so long. I dreamt of waking up after my son and finding him curled up with an Enid Blyton in bed. He reads off road signs, posters, food labels, simple story books, the instructions on his workbooks, my sms's, my facebook status .. OH MY GOD!!! And he is very in dependant. Feels kinda sad and makes me feel unwanted at times BUT I know independence is where hes going to learn the basic knowledge of fending for himself. I do expect more from him as he is my first born. I push him a little hard at times. All in the hopes of him being the best.
My babies are growing up.
I feel a twinge of remorse that I cant keep them as young as they are now. Selfish thoughts of eternal babyhood run across my mind. Couldn't I just shove them back into my womb and care for them? Within the depths of my belly they will be little babies, only needing milk, diaper change and LOTS OF LOVING.
I wish I could but I know I cant.
In my eyes though they will always and forever be the littlest beings that I first set my eyes upon. Untainted by this world we live in.
Love you my sweet little munchkins.

Photos

When a child is hurt and crying his little heart out, only a hard hearted mum will be able to even put the child down and grab her camera, make the child sit still for a moment to take a freaking PHOTO!!
I would take pictures of my child on the potty with a funny face while shes doing poopy, or even when my son is angry for the sillest reasons and hsi face is scrunched up in anger, or when my daughter is sleepy and whiney in the morning when I wake her.
But there has to be a line drawn somewhere. I know having a personal blog is meant to blog all milestones and unforgettable moments. But making a child pose to take a picture of her injured head takes the cake!
The only time to take a picture is AFTER all the trauma has calmed and treated by the doctor, if you really have to take a picture, take one of the stitches. I am sure no mommy wants to remember their child bleeding as I am sure the memory of it will be imprinted in the mind for years to come.
I aint perfect. I scream, shout, nag my kids till their ears drop off. My neighbours can vouch for that. But I can never sit still and watch them when they are hurt. If it means missing my meals or ruining my manicure I will always be there to cuddle them.

Lullaby

Mum used to sing us lullabys. It was not the 'Rock a bye baby'. But it was a tamil song that sticks to my heart even after all this time.



My little munchkins were fussing to nap today. There is some construction going on downstairs for the past few months. I sang this song for them and little girl was soothed enough and has slept. Little boy is humming the song to himself and he is in lala land now.
Makes my heart smile :)

Cars

Little boy likes his cars. He takes good care of them. Often I find a row of cars like this somewhere around the house.
It's cute to see that amongst all the dozens of toys he adores his cars.
Boys will be boys eh!

Sleep

Its been an accumulation of 5 years of interrupted sleep that has been the cause of my panda eyes. One thing that I never imagined stepping into motherhood was that I wouldn't get enough sleep. It is always a struggle to wake up at nights. Sometimes it seems like I barely sleep. Makes me cranky and achy all over. I am in limbo when I wake up, going through the motions that are required in the morning but at the back of my head I JUST WANT TO SLEEP SOMEMORE!!
I hit the sack at around 11pm earliest.
I wake up for these reasons and more; I set the alarm to wake son up to pee or I will end up in a flooded bed, the wind howling, rain beating against the windows, hubby awake and talking LOUDLY, daughter kicking my ribs or making a pillow on my back, my hair whipping around my face tickling my nose, the dog barking outside, nightmares, daughter decides 4am is a good time to bright awake and wake me as well, son bangs his legs on the mattress, daughter twirls herself around my blanket leaving me cold, kids are feeling sick, kids having night terrors where they start sobbing softly and if I dont wake them up it becomes hysterical fits of crying .... I should stop here for I believe I can go on and on and on .
My sleep debt is way overdue. I feel that my bones are sleeping and they refuse to work as well as I want them to me.
My sleeplessness has made me a whiney and angry person at times.
I am not a person I can be if I slept better.
I am going to sleep better and be better.
YAWN@renu.com

School..

Today was the first day of school for the kiddos after a long break of hfmd holidays I self declared for the kids.
Sayee was crying and clinging to me as I left her.
Nihil's lips trembled and tears threatened to fall as he said bye.
I feel terrible knowing that they were so sad to leave me.
Miss them not being around bugging me.

Life ..

Life is never where you want it to be.
Something is always less or more. Acceptance and happiness works hand in hand. One is not workable without the other.
You can dream. But nothing in those dreams will come true. Life as it is is the reality.
The past is gone. Memories can only haunt you with happyness or sad thoughts.
Love lost, goals failed, people missed ... Part of the package called life.
Life in the present is the only real element. "It is what it is", as my hubby calls it. Going strong along with the flow. Let nothing destroy the happiness you hold now.
Life sucks. YES!!
But nothing is too much for you will only be given what you can handle.
Life is always good.
My life is GOOD!!!

Rain Rain Go Away

So it was hot and I whined my arse away about the horrid weather .
And now it rains. No no its more like heavens have split in the middle and out gushes the rain.
My laundry is still damp since yesterday, I cant go out and bring the kids to play.
All I wanna do is curl up and sleep under two blankets but I have two munchkins with me who dont wanna sleep in!!!
So I shall stick my earphones into my ears and watch videos.
Being a SAHM does have its perks ... WOoo Hooo!!!

Bombay Toast

Sunday mornings as a kid used to be waking up to the wonderous smells of breakfast cooking.
One of my FAVOURITE was BOMBAY TOAST. The very mention of its name brings to mind the awesome, mouth watering smell of a huge pile of it, on a plate, on the dining table when I woke up.
I remember munching through countless pieces watching cartoons, dipping it in tomato sauce and relishing each bite.
And leftovers would be afternoon snack. Cold but still as good and oh so yummy.
Mummy makes the BESTEST bombay toast. The humble breakfast mummy makes is no where near mine.
Been a long time since I had breakfast at mummy's for various reasons. There was never just bread with butter and jam on weekends. It was always something hot and cooked.
Egg Thosai with awesome fish curry by my pem carries my mind away to sunday mornings where my mum would wake me saying my aunt sulo was comming for breakfast and I used to curse and swear at waking up at that unearthly hour of 7am on a SUNDAY.
Appam with prawn curry and red sugar makes my mouth water. The crispy sides and the well cooked middle can never be the same when eaten at a shop.
Once in a while Appa will buy us carrot cake. CARROT CAKE came along with toothpicks and and that was THE BEST. They just dont do it right anymore.
Breakfast ... My best memories as a kid are my mummy's delish nom noms!!
Nothing beats the blues like mummy's food.

Dinner Tonight

Tomato, mushroom and egg dosai

Recipe:
Dosai batter - 4 ladles full
Ghee
1 med tomato deseeded, chopped fine
1/2 cup button mushrooms chopped fine
Salt
Pepper
2 eggs

Method:
1. Crack two eggs into a bowl and add the tomato, mushroom, salt and pepper and mix well.
2. Heat the fry pan. Add a drizzle of ghee.
3. Pour a ladle of batter and it will bubble.
4. Pour over the egg mixture. Allow the egg to set and the bottom of the dosai to brown nicely.
5. Flip over and brown the other side.
6. Serve with coconut chutney, spicy chutney, sambar, coriander chutney or even tomato and chilli sauce.

My kids ate it on its own.
An adult version would be to include half a chopped green chilli, 1 med chopped onion, a sprig of curry leaves chopped into the egg as well.

Yum yum yum!!!
It was an excellent dinner !!!

I am seriously going to stick to this blog. Procastinating has been a fabulous hobby of mine.
I have lots to say and I do lots so lets put it all in a blog shall we.
Toodles for now ....