First pedicure ever..

Today I had my first ever pedicure. Had a callus treatment and I also found out that I had fungus under my big toe nail.
I had been feeling quite down about myself so this year I made up my mind to put myself first.
This is the first step.
I didn't realize that a simple thing like a pedi could boost my self image towards myself.
I will make sure I continue to do things for my own happiness.

Back ....

So once again I failed. Therefore I decided I will blog as and when I want I am not going to apologise or feel bad for my blogging.

Poison

Constant words of hate are poison to the very core of my being. It changes the way I wake up in the mornings. It makes me feel annoyed and permanently irritable. I wish I could totally ignore but all I manage is to remain silent with a small smile on my face stuck through the up and downs.
Kind of feels like I am stuck in a vacuum , between sorrow and unhappiness. Bordering on mild depression I am fighting my way to stay on the sane side of the bridge.
The poison steeps in mixing my rainbow of joy into its malicious blackness. Plastic bag over the head feeling , where i can't breathe and I still do.
Oh when will it stop?
How much more can I take.
Indirect words of meanness about me even when I am trying my best is not fair. Isn't trying and being at my best behavior enough as a sign of change for the better.
I am weary of this.
Want my rainbow back.
I was never this dark. I lost all the shine I had. I wish for all this darkness to go away and just let me be.

Poof

And so I disappeared again. These things always happen to me. Too bad. I have become accustomed to it.
There is a thin line of truth and reality between the niceness of blogging issues.
I could throw up everything point blank and not bother about it. Or I can just blog about the other mundane things that I think are important but arent.
So I disappear lest I blog something I dont wish to read ever again.
So I am back now.
On with the show I say!!

Retro Polka Dotty Nails

My nail art journey has just begun. I am learning each day and perfecting my skills. I did this simple nails using a dotting tool. Makes me happy to see my nails pretty and colorful!

Beauty Haul

I got these beauty items at a bit of a steal. The foot balm was at 50% off, smells nice and works wonders on my horrid feet.
The face scrub is not too scratchy and I use it twice a week and my skin feels very squeaky clean.
The 2 hair moisturizers were priced at 9.90 each and I got them for 1.85. Haven't tried but smells sweet.
Two china glaze polishes of my favourite colors. Love love love

Babies.

And it struck me out of the blue,

MY KIDS ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST!!!!

The little one is not-so-little anymore.
No matter how I try and pretend that she is my baby, I have to wake up to the fact that shes growing up AND FAST. Her shoes are a huge indicator that she's not so tiny as it seems. Her feet are growing at an alarming rate. I got to buy new shoes for her every 3 months or less. There is no buying shoes 2 sizes big for that little french fry. She will fall flat on her face trying to walk with ginormous shoes. I try to smother her when I sleep but shes like a long bean. Her baby fat has 'POOF' vanished and in place is a lean mean running long bean. I try to cradle her to nap but my arms start to nap in less than 2 minutes cos she no longer is the little tater tot of 3 kgs. She says the most amazing things and her sense of reasoning (at times) confounds me.
MY BOY READS. I have dreamt of him reading for so long. I dreamt of waking up after my son and finding him curled up with an Enid Blyton in bed. He reads off road signs, posters, food labels, simple story books, the instructions on his workbooks, my sms's, my facebook status .. OH MY GOD!!! And he is very in dependant. Feels kinda sad and makes me feel unwanted at times BUT I know independence is where hes going to learn the basic knowledge of fending for himself. I do expect more from him as he is my first born. I push him a little hard at times. All in the hopes of him being the best.
My babies are growing up.
I feel a twinge of remorse that I cant keep them as young as they are now. Selfish thoughts of eternal babyhood run across my mind. Couldn't I just shove them back into my womb and care for them? Within the depths of my belly they will be little babies, only needing milk, diaper change and LOTS OF LOVING.
I wish I could but I know I cant.
In my eyes though they will always and forever be the littlest beings that I first set my eyes upon. Untainted by this world we live in.
Love you my sweet little munchkins.